you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
