They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize