im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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