Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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