He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
