I bet he comes in French.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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