i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
