I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
