So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
