It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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