Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
