seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
