i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
