remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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