He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize