Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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