I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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