I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
