i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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