youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize