I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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