My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
