for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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