So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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