Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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