I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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