I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
