Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
