I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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