I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
