we have pet lesbian snakes
how can u be prego again
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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