So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
