i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
