Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
