you guys were way drunker than both of me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
