I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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