these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
