we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How external is "for external use only"?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
