i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
