I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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