youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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