i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
