i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
