the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Semen is not good for contacts.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
