You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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