Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
