you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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