She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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