the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
