Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
