Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
