He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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