Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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