I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
