Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
