i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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