Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
