The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
