He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
