he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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