so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
