That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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