there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
