Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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