Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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