This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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