i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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