Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
