i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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