I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
