The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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