i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize