so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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