3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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