i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
