you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize