I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
