just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
