this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
