After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
