I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
