where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
