if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize