rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
