I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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