I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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