found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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