Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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