Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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