He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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