ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
