good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
