I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
