Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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