but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize