It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
