I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
