Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
