if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a hot homeless man
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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