:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
