She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
