dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
