I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
